From the Inside
by Skipsida
Summary: The seishi have been reincarnated, you know that. But who into? And why is Namida being so... odd? Taka and Miaka try to find out, but are they in over their heads?
1. Don't wake me up so early

**Disclaimer: **This idea for a fanfic came to me while gazing lovingly at my Fushigi Yuugi wallscroll. No, I did not draw it, I bought it. As far as I know I don't have any merchandise, thus, I can safely conclude Fushigi Yuugi remains property of Ms Watase. 

**Warning:** This fic contains a few gay and transgender themes and references. I've thought very carefully about whether I should put this fic on FF.net, and asked advice of a few people. It's not worthy of an NC17 rating, it's just that I don't know how a lot of people would cope with the transsexual stuff in here. People tend to cope with yaoi okay, and even crossdressing, in Nuriko's case, but this is different, I suppose. I guess it shouldn't bother the open-minded, I just thought I'd warn people. Well, it's up to you to whether you read it or not. -_-;;v

**Hey, I live!** I've survived my exams! It's the summer holidays now! I'm working on my "What about" update (I want to make it a nice big chapter, ending the Tasuki saga) but the idea of this fic has been burning in my head for a few weeks now, so I decided to write it. A distraction from "What about"? Uh, maybe... but I'll write more ASAP.

This fic is basically a few mysteries all rolled into one, and it's up to you, the reader, to guess where the plot is going before the grand finale where everything is revealed. There are a few aims:

1. Guess the protagonist's identity. This shouldn't be too hard, after all, this is the protagonist here! It's also first person narration, making it even easier. But... I don't necessarily keep people in the gender they were in FY. 

2. Guess who the reincarnated cast is. This also shouldn't be that hard. Heck, Taka is already given! But their behaviour should give them away, and their names should give clues, if you can understand the meanings. Some will be harder than others though... just bear in mind that all seven Suzaku seishi and all seven Seiryuu seishi are in the cast. And again, I don't keep people in the same gender as they were in FY.

3. Guess what the protagonist is hiding. This is the main mystery. All is well, isn't it? But then why is the protagonist acting so secretively? What is going on? A secret the protagonist hides even from himself. And just to be helpful, you get to see what the protagonist doesn't, a few conversations as Taka tries to work out what is going on himself.

So that's all there is to it. If there's any further little mysteries weaved in here, I'll ask you to guess. To make a guess, just hit that little review button. ^___^ And while you're at it, make a comment on the story, so I can preen and feel motivated enough to complete this mystery quickly!

**_From The Inside_**

An irritating knocking woke me up.

Tap tap. Tap tap.

I opened my eyes and the world swam into view. I blinked a few times and it settled around me, forming the shape of my bedroom. My blankets, as usual, were on the floor, thrown there in my sleep. I groaned, shivering a little, then staggered out of bed to answer the noise.

As I had expected, it came from the window. I pulled the blind up to find Arashi's face pressed against it. He saw me and scowled.

"About time, ya idiot! You sleep like a rock, y'know!"

"Can't you use the door like other people?" I greeted him, opening the window. He climbed up, out of the fire escape stair's railing, followed by Taka. I have yet to find out how they avoid falling three floors to the ground, but I suppose that as they do it nearly every day, they must be used to it.

Arashi grunted in reply and made his way to my kitchenette, chugging cold coffee from the pot where it lives.

"Good morning to you too," Taka said, closing the window behind him.

_How considerate_, I thought sarchastically, _and after waking up at this ungodly hour. Why, it's not even..._ I looked at the clock, _two pm yet!_

"What great news brings your presence?" I asked sarchastically. "Did we win the lotto?" 

"If only," Taka said, throwing his hands up in mock-defeat. He always enters the lotto, and nearly always wins. Yeah, wins back the cost of the ticket, nothing more. Somehow this only encourages him though. Tragic.

"We were bored an' decided to pay a visit," Arashi said, searching through my fridge.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh," I said, unenthusiastically. "Did anyone tell you that you guys really need a hobby?"

"_You _are our hobby," Arashi grinned.

"That just sounds wrong," I said, grinning. Arashi licked his lips suggestively, raising an eyebrow. I groaned. "No, that's not an invitation."

"Didn't intend it to be," Arashi laughed, pleased that he'd successfully baited me, "that's just wishful thinking on your part."

Taka tsk-tsked me. "And you say you're straight," he scolded me.

I wasn't listening, I was staggering over to my coffee pot, just to remember Arashi had already drunk it. I groaned.

"Okay, I get the hint, I'll tag along with whatever you're doing, just give me time to get dressed and fed," I moaned.

"Hey, no need to sound so enthusiastic, man," Arashi said, sarchasically. They stood there, waiting for me to hurry up.

"Oi, get out!" I said, annoyed.

"Ooh, got privacy issues, man?" Arashi asked.

"C'mon, let's just go," Taka said, tugging Arashi's arm, "we'll wait for you outside, 'kay Namida?"

I kicked them out of my one-room apartment, and pulled on a black t-shirt and pair of baggiest jeans I've got. I looked at myself, blearily, in the mirror.

"Hello gorgeous," I muttered unenthusiastically to my sleepy face and brushed all the tangles out of my long hair.

"Man, I need a haircut," I said, for the thousandth time, knowing that I won't get it done in this lifetime. I drank some milk out of the carton and grabbed an apple and my wallet then headed out the door.

They weren't there and I guessed they were in the shop below. I live in an apartment building a few floors above a noisy shop, meaning that I get a cheap rent to make up for all the noise. As well as that, because my building isn't earthquake proof, it's even cheaper. True, if there's any major quake then I'll be crushed by the gazillion stories above me, but since I usually only go home to eat and sleep, I probably wouldn't even notice.

"About time," Taka commented, as I walked down the stairs.

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered, starting to wake up a little more as the bright lights hit me. I looked in my mailbox and picked out the letter. I tore it open and read the contents.

_Aniki!_

_Have you cut your hair yet? Need I ask? Geeze, you're just determined to look like Hikaru forever!_

_So what're you doing this summer? Get a job, you lazy bum! Don't go nocturnal again this year! I've told Miaka to tell Taka to wake you up early in the afternoon. It'll hopefully be an improvement._

_Okay, now for the big news..._

_Wait for it..._

_I'm coming back in town! Yay! I've saved enough money to take a holiday back to Tokyo, so expect me to gatecrash one of your parties sometime soon!_

_Anyway, as you would have guessed, I'm still alive and well enough to put pen to paper to write to you. Now be very nice and write back. Or, if you get this after the 10th, come and visit. The address is on the back of the envelope, I'm staying with Kashu. You remember Kashu right, my boyfriend? Yeah, him. Try not to glare at him, not all of my boyfriends are weirdos, this one is nice and human, as far as I can tell._

_So yeah, keep alive, bro, and don't go inhaling any live squids now._

_luv your crazy sister,_

_Atsui_

"Uh... what the fuck?" asked Arashi, reading over my shoulder.

I shrugged. "My sister, Atsui. She's a bit weird. Crazy-funny, as long as you don't get on her bad side."

"From the sound of her, remind me not to. She'd probably stalk me. Has she got mad-cow disease or something?" muttered Arashi.

"Nah, she's just on a permanent sugar high, not to mention all sorts of interesting medication. And she wouldn't stalk you, she'd probably do worse," I replied, cheerfully. 

"Who the hell is Hikaru?" Arashi asked.

My lips tightened. "That is none of your business." I shoved the letter in my pocket. "So where are we going?"

"Searching for Miaka," Taka replied, with a shrug.

Well, we didn't have anything better to do, so we headed off.

We made our way down the main street, in no great hurry. We must have looked like a bizarre group. 

For a start, there was Arashi the grungeboy. He actually went for the grungy look on purpose, carefully monitoring his messiness to give the impact he wanted. He had a few earrings and eyebrow ring, and black hair in an organised, hair-gelled mess.

Taka looked pretty normal, if sleepy.

Then there was me, with my black hair long enough to ponytail, and dressed also pretty normal, but staggering around, still half-asleep. What can I say? I need at least twenty-five hours sleep a day, but with my friends, how do you expect me to get enough? So I look like a zombie. Nah, actually, I look kinda like a pretty boy, to my eternal embarrassment. And Arashi never lets me forget it.

Walking by, I checked myself out in the shop window, checking to see if I was walking properly. I used to have back and posture problems (still do, actually) and when I forget myself, I tend to walk weirdly, wriggling my butt. While I was at it, I checked myself out in the mirror and smiled. Yeah, I look okay. Surprising, considering how little sleep I have. It must be the coffee. Either that or the milk. I don't remember ever changing that milk but somehow it's always full. Weird. Eh, whatever.

"Checking yourself out _again_?" Arashi asked, sounding bored. "How vain are you?"

Taka yawned for the zillionth time and I peered at him.

"Why're ya so sleepy?" Arashi asked, beating me to it.

"Forgot about my job? I've got an early shift," Taka replied. "I'll have to stop it after uni starts up again next year."

"So? Ya've still got all night to sleep, unlike lazy-bones here, who needs constant sleep," Arashi said, gesturing to me.

"I need my beauty-sleep," I murmured.

"Yeah, I'll say," quipped Taka.

I gave him the finger. "Well, isn't it pretty clear why Taka here is tired? Just cos he goes to bed early, doesn't mean that he and Miaka go to sleep."

Taka scowled. "Shuddup, Namida!"

"Oh, so you _do_ go to sleep?" Arashi teased. "Damn, no wonder you're suffering. You need some good ol' s.e.x man, before you wank yourself to death."

"Shuddup, I said! Don't talk about Miaka that way!" Taka snapped.

"We're jus' kidding, man," I said, soothingly, "we're just jealous. Miaka's cool."

"Hey, watch it Taka, I've seen Namida making eyes at your girlfriend before!" Arashi laughed. "Well, _he_ may be jealous, but I sure as hell isn't. Women, who needs 'em? You get onto them, you get on top of them then you get over them, that's all there is to it. All they do is whine." 

That's Arashi, the great dating optimist. He isn't too fussy about where he gets sex from, men, women, whatever, but he's a committmentaphobe. The longer relationships he's ever been in are all with men as macho as he is. He's kinda scary at times.

Taka gave me a warning look and I raised my hands defensiively.

"Hey, I ain't touching her with you around," I said, then added, with a grin, "but if you go away for the weekend, that's another matter!"

"Ooh, lock up Miaka, Taka!" Arashi snorted, not taking me seriously, as I intended.

"Huh? Why?" asked Miaka, who had materialised behind us.

Taka looked at us defiantly and scooped her up in a hug and kiss.

It went on for a few minutes. I looked on enviously and Arashi, rolling his eyes, sighed loudly. They got the message and broke apart, grinning sheepishly.

"Man, couples are so boring. All they do is make squelchy noises and dribble in public," Arashi muttered.

"Hi Arashi!" Miaka squealed and gave him a hug. She then also gave me a hug for good measure. She sure is a huggy person. She also is absolutely tiny.

"Geeze Taka, aren't you scared of breaking her or something?" Arashi said, echoing my thoughts and inspecting Miaka critically.

"Hey!" Miaka squeaked. "I'm tougher than I look!"

I raised an eyebrow. "You'd have to be, dahlin', because you look as if you're about to break any second."

"Aaaah, Namida, you're horrible!" Miaka said, slapping me.

"Yeah, I know," I grinned, scooping her up and swinging her around for good measure. I deposited her on the ground again and she staggered around dizzily, before collapsing into Arashi.

"Hey Taka, I think Namida broke your girlfriend!" Arashi called. Taka laughed and picked Miaka up, kissing her forehead. She squirmed in his arms and broke free from his grasp and stood up again.

"Hey, let's go do something! Can we watch a movie Taka? Can we get lunch? Canwecanwecanwecanwe?" she pleaded, giving a little sad face. Her stomach growled, reinforcing her message. How could Taka resist? He sighed and we walked into a nearby pub.

"But a movie is out of the question," he warned, "we don't have enough money to waste."

"You're mean, Taka!" she muttered, but it was lost in her intake of food. I watched in fascination. Her eating habits never cease to amaze me.

I ate my brunch neatly, wiping my mouth with a napkin neatly as I finished. For pub food, it wasn't bad.

I found Arashi staring at me. 

"What?" I asked.

"You use a napkin when you've got a perfectly good sleeve?" he asked, jokingly.

"Hey, I'm not that much of a grot," I replied.

"You eat so _daintily_!" Taka said, incredulously.

"You even chew each mouthful thirty-six times exactly!" Miaka chipped in. "I counted!"

"Blame Mum and Atsui..." I muttered, "they put a fear of god in me at meal-times. I'm fully housetrained."

"That's just freaky," Arashi muttered. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, I'm a house-broken male. So sue me."

"Good idea. I'll need to, to pay for Miaka's lunch-bill," Taka muttered.

"Eheheheh," Miaka giggled, sheepishly, as he stood up to settle his bill. I slid my money onto the counter and paid up my own bill, then got up. "Where're you going?" Miaka asked, getting up to follow me.

"You want to follow me to the men's room?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. She giggled and sat back down.

Arashi clunked his empty beer can on the counter. He burped and stood up. "I'll follow ya. Beer, it jus' comes in one end, out the other."

"Eewwww!" Miaka cried. "Bad images!" She screwed up her face and moaned. "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!"

"You're drinking _this early_?" I asked, incredulously.

"Hey, it's all good," Arashi said, cheerfully. "I drink _any_ time."

Taka rolled his eyes from the counter, as Arashi and I headed off together.

Arashi headed straight for the urinal while I stopped. Damn. The cubicles didn't have doors.

"Hey, whassup? Pee-shy?" Arashi asked.

"Yeah, that's it," I said, coolly. I turned my back on him and lifted the toilet-seat up. I could hear Arashi humming slightly and grinned. Alcohol tends to make him musical.

I put the seat down again, wondering why I was bothering, and went to wash my hands.

"Oh, someone's being _hygenic_?" Arashi asked.

I shuddered. "I didn't want to know that. I really didn't. I am not ever going to shake hands with you again."

"Like you ever shake hands with me," Arashi grumbled, grudgingly rinsing his hands as if the water would bite him.

I peered at my reflection on the way out, for a second not realising it. "Man, I need a haircut," I muttered, shaking my head.

"Nah, a bit longer and you could get Miaka to plait it," Arashi suggested, dryly.

I shuddered. "My sister always used to try."

"Oh, poor diddums," Arashi said, with mock-sympathy. "Why didn't you tell her to piss off?"

"_You_ read the letter. It was an uphill battle. She's stubborn. I didn't actually mind at the time, oddly enough."

"You sure you're straight?" Arashi peered at me.

"Yeah," I grumbled.

"Then why were you checking out the guys at the urinals?"

"I am NOT gay," I said, flatly. "And I think you were mistaking my actions for yours. Beer does that to you."

"Hey, ya never know, I could be fucking them later tonight," Arashi said, cheerfully.

I shook my head. "Worrying. That's just foul."

"What's foul?" Miaka asked, as we walked up to her.

"You don't want to know. It'd corrupt your young, innocent mind," I said, with affection.

"Hey! Taka already corrupted it! Tell me! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase?" she pleaded.

"Get Arashi to. I'd better go," I said, waving farewell to the others. I got a few half-hearted waves in reply and headed for the door.

I opened my apartment door, hands laiden with food. My fridge had been looking hungry lately, and I had decided to finally feed it. What I didn't expect though, was an excited Atsui to greet me as I opened the door, giving me a heartattack.

"ANIKI!!" she cried, glomping me from a distance.

"Oof!" I groaned, as all the air was tackled out of me. Everything I was holding flew in various directions. Nothing breakable, luckily.

Atsui looked down at me from above, frowning.

"You look different, aniki," she observed, pulling at my long fridge. "But you've still got the same hair," she said, brightening up.

"Well, yeah," I said, a little embarrassed. I pushed her off me and closed the door before the neighbours stared.

"You sound different too," Atsui said, shyly, "your voice is deeper. I wouldn't have recognised you on the phone. Is that why you only wrote letters?"

I nodded. "Partially. I'm also as useless as a tit on a rooster on the phone."

"Typical male," she said, sadly. She helped me pick up the various stuff I'd dropped and loaded them into my fridge. I stood up to find her look at me. "You really do look different..." she sighed, "it's been too damn long."

I ruffled her hair, affectionately. "Hey, I'm still the same on the inside. Same old me, you know that. Same old me."

There was silence. "I guess so," she said, finally.

"You don't seem to believe yourself," I observed.

She sighed. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

I nodded. "I'm sure. I really am. The nightmare is over at last. It's a new start."

"You can't run away forever," Atsui pointed out.

"I don't have to. I just need a little time to get my thoughts together, so I can face them," I said, meaning it.

She nodded, then changed the subject. "Aniki. Your. Apartment. Is. Incredibly. Neat. How in the...?!"

"Cleanliness of the surroundings is key to a peaceful soul," I quoted.

"Who said that?" Atsui asked, impressed.

"Me, just now. I like it this way, I know where everything is that way," I said.

"Aniki, you do realise that you're inhumanly tidy? Maybe you haven't changed that much..." Atsui mused.

I grinned. "Damn straight." 

_"Man, Namida is weird!" Arashi mused, over a beer._

_The nightclub was noisy, but Taka and Daichi had no trouble hearing, as Arashi was yelling, more than a little drunk._

_"Why, whassup?" Daichi asked, sipping his own beer._

_"He's jus' so damn shy," Arashi slurred. "I mean, he's pee-shy for cryin' out loud!"_

_"So? Some people are just shy," Taka said, "what's your point?"_

_"I dunno, there's just somethin' off about him. He's borderin' on paranoid. I mean, haven't you noticed anything?" Arashi asked the world in general._

_"There's bound to be a reason," Taka said, reasonably, but he wasn't really paying attention, as he looked around, watching to see if Miaka had arrived yet. He spotted her and headed off._

_"So whaddya think is up then?" asked Daichi, skeptically._

_"Well, he acts all interested in Miaka. Think they're cheating on Taka? But then again, he's constantly checkin' out other guys, so mebbe he's bi. But I don' get it, there's more'n that, for sure. Something's suss, I just don' get what. He seems so damn normal, but then he froze up when I mentioned this Hikaru-chick."_

_"Whozzat?"_

_"I dunno. Name I read off a postcard from his sister."_

_"What did you say? Hikaru was it?" Hana asked, dancing up. She'd been passing by and had caught the end of their conversation._

_"Yeah. Ex-girlfriend?" Arashi asked._

_"Hardly," Hana giggled. She then turned serious again, and stopped dancing. "It's really sad, really."_

_"Why? Who is she?" Arashi asked._

_"Namida's sister. I went to school with her but never really knew her well. She was really pretty, really popular. But then she stopped coming. She got really sick. I haven't seen her in ages now, that was at least five years ago. I see Atsui - that's Namida's other sister - sometimes, that's how I met Namida, through her, but they clam up whenever I ask about Hikaru."_

_There was stunned silence over this revelation._

_"Oh," was Arashi's stunned comments. There was silence, as they chewed over this scrap of information, before Arashi grabbed Hana's hand and they moved onto the dancefloor, banishing all thoughts of Namida from their head._

_Daichi watched them, a smile on his face, knowing that Arashi would be sick of her within an hour and be back. Just the way he liked it._

**Skipsida's Ramblings:**

Well, any ideas? This chapter is just an introduction of sorts, a kind of "getting to know you". The storyline has barely moved. Can you guess who the characters are? *laughs* Apart from Taka? And Miaka? And even this early on, can you guess what's up with Namida? What is he hiding? What's up with his sister? Is there any point to this story?

Song for this chapter: Steal My Sunshine, by LEN. You've gotta love that song. Very Namida-in-the-morning!


	2. Revenge of the woken up

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own FY. Still has the same warnings as in the previous chapter. Also has some sexual references and stuff in there. It just keeps getting worse, huh?

**Happy New Year, people!!!** Where did last year go? Too quickly! And I didn't write enough! *groans*

After all the guesses (most of them weren't actually on review) I figured I'd better say something. Some of you are right with some characters but wrong with others. And not all of the names are meant to be taken literally. They are clues, but with some of them, you have to use word association and other word stuff to find out who is who. Kinda like this (a real example, from a friend at school. When my buddy and I write letters, we encode the names so if anyone else reads them they wouldn't know who we're talking about) Person's name: Jed. Jed = Jedi = Luke Skywalker = Mr Skywalker. If it sounds too complicated to you, don't even bother. It's just a little thing to keep you wondering... And there is a red herring character in there too, who actually isn't a seishi. *everyone groans* And there might be more too... 

**_From the Inside - Chapter 2_**

I woke up and lay in bed for a while, awake but daydreaming. I wanted to return the dream I'd been having but, as usual, it didn't work. Damn. Why do I have to have dreams more vivid than reality?

I eventually got up and staggered around my flat for a while and made myself a cup of coffee. I then decided to have a bath and filled it up, as hot as possible. After soaking for a few minutes, climbed out again. My legs and other body parts in contact with the water were bright red but as long as I don't start smelling tasty, I really don't care how red I get. The best way to relax is to boil yourself alive, that's what I've found.

"Next place I get, I'm getting one with a shower," I muttered, emptying the bath and realising that I'd spent longer than I'd thought in there and my coffee was now cold.

I grabbed some breakfast and looked at the clock. Some ungodly hour. About 6:30. Screw it. They were always waking me up early, now it was my turn. 

I swallowed the rest of my breakfast and my meds and then headed downstairs. It was early so the mail hadn't even been delivered yet, so I just carefully made my way through the store, trying not to be noisy enough to wake up all my neighbours.

Outside, the air was cool and it was still dim as the sun was still rising lazily behind a bunch of skyscrapers. There was no one about, probably because all sane people were in bed at that hour. Could you blame them?

I knocked on Arashi's window first, knowing he deserved it the most. From the depths of his dark apartment there was a rumbling noise and as he clambered to the window - butt naked, might I add - I heard an unfamiliar male voice call out sleepily,

"Wha's goin' on, Arashi?"

"Hey, Namida, I'm guessin' this is a late night for ya cos you usually don' wake up until 3," Arashi greeted me, sounding completely awake. I carefully avoided looking down as I could guess why, and the entrance of the stranger, who started kissing Arashi's shoulders enthusiastically, confirmed it. "Whassup? Apart from me, I mean."

"Nothing much," I said, "just thought I'd drag you off to the gym for a while before work."

Arashi gave me an awkward smile. "In case ya haven' noticed, I'm kinda occupied at the moment," he observed.

I sat myself down on a handy chair and gave him a smug smile. "I can wait."

"Hey, threesomes are fine with me," said The Anonymous Stranger.

Arashi shot me an irritated look. "Get the fuck out of here, Namida," he ordered.

"So you'll be there in a hour?" I asked, pausing at the door.

"Where?" Arashi groaned, sinking down on his bed.

"The gym, stupid!" I replied. 

I interpreted the various groans he gave as 'yes, sure, of course I'll be there' and got the hell out of there. Watching Arashi get laid was definitely not something I wanted to see.

I headed to Taka's apartment next. Oh yes, I was enjoying this, every minute of it.

I climbed the fire-escape to his window (I'd done it once before with Arashi. Come to think of it, we were all in the habit of climbing in each others' windows. God only knows what our various landlords think of this) and looked inside. Miaka and Taka were curled up in bed together, peacefully sleeping. Miaka looked quiet and serene as she slept, in direct contrast to her usual hyperactivity. It was almost a pity to wake them, they both looked so... _right_... together, sleeping. Almost, I said.

"Oi! Taka!" I hissed. "Lemme in!"

"Mmph," was his answer and he turned over, somehow managing to avoid squishing Miaka. I'm surprised she isn't flat already, she'd be so easy to crush.

"Oi! TAKA!" I called, tapping on the window, this time managing to wake them both.

"What's that?" Miaka asked, sleepily.

"Namida?" Taka mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

"Namida!" Miaka perked up. "Let him in, Taka!"

"Hang on, lemme get some pants on," Taka muttered unenthusiastically.

He eventually made it to the window and let me in. "What?" he asked, before Miaka's happy squealing of greeting drowned him out. Apparently she didn't seem to see anything odd with me climbing in her window at the crack of dawn. Then again, usually it was Arashi doing it, so she'd be used to it.

"I'm going to the gym in an hour and you're coming," I informed him.

"Oh no, I'm not," he replied. 

"Oh yes, you are," I said, sitting down on the bed next to Miaka. "Hi Miaka," I added as an afterthought.

She gave me a smile from her cocoon of blankets and turned to Taka, "I don't mind, Taka."

"I do!" Taka snapped. "As if you wake people up at this hour to go to the gym!"

"You seem to have no problem with it," I said, coolly, and watched him stammer.

He eventually gave up. "Let me get dressed," he groaned, rubbing his eyes and looking at the clock.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to, Miaka," I said, apologetically, "I was just getting my revenge against Taka."

"Good, because I didn't intend on coming anyway!" she laughed, and with that curled up and fell back asleep again. Taka smiled down at her affectionately and planted a kiss on her forehead.

He turned back to me and said, "We going then? I'll get breakfast on the way."

"Don't forget to bring me some on your way back," Miaka's voice drifted up from her pile of pillows and doona.

Taka rolled his eyes. "I won't," he promised.

"And get it from the doughnut shop where Keisuke works, and make sure he put extra cinnamon on," Miaka continued.

"Yeah, yeah," Taka agreed, halfheartedly.

"Make sure he does, Namida," Miaka ordered then continued snoring.

Taka shook her head and as we walked out the door I asked, "was she asleep then or just pretending?"

"Does it matter?" Taka asked. 

We wound up dragging Keisuke along to the gym after us, his shift ended as we walked in. So much for extra cinnamon, Miaka would have to make do with the regular amount without employee discounts. Taka didn't seem pleased at all after hearing that.

Keisuke scolded Taka as we strolled the streets. "Eating that defeats the point of going to a gym! You'll just be working off the fat!"

"Yeah, yeah," Taka muttered, dropping the empty wrapper in the bin outside the gym. I noticed that he had finished it before walking in. I guess he didn't want to face the wrath of the heavy-duty fitness freaks, the likes of which grace the gym at this hour. Face it, no one else does, apart from the odd person working out after a night-shift.

"He got ya too, huh?" Arashi called, spotting us as we entered.

"I hope I didn't disturb you," I said, in an oily tone.

"I didn' let it bother me," Arashi grinned. "Almos' considered callin' ya back. Tomasu was quite taken with ya."

"Tomasu?" Keisuke asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Exchange student from England," Arashi explained, "thought I'd give him some fond memories of Japan. Somethin' ta remember us by, ya see."

"Yeah, a sore arse," I muttered, hiding my smile at Taka's shocked face.

He span around to face me. "You did _what_?!" he asked.

"Well did you really think I was going to work out alone?" I asked. "It just so happened that Arashi was awake when I came by. Lucky coincidence."

"I don't even wanna know," Keisuke muttered.

"Yeah, ya do," Arashi said, enthusiastically.

"No, we don't!" we all chorused.

He shrugged and dumped his bag in his locker. "We gonna hang around here blabberin' all day or what?" he asked, sounding a little put out. We got to work, and for the next hour, the only sounds in the gym were grunts of exertion and the noise made by the various equipment.

We stopped at about 10ish, although I could have kept going longer. My shift at the cinema doesn't start until about 3pm, so I had plenty of time, but Taka wanted to buy Miaka's breakfast before it turned to lunch.

By the time we all headed to the showers and locker area the place was beginning to fill up. Arashi and Keisuke were sweating and panting after the workout but Taka and I were mostly fine.

"How unfit are you!" commented Taka to them.

Keisuke grinned. "Very. Not like you and Namida! You are rough men!"

The last sentence was in English and I picked the cue. "Rough!" I agree.

"Very rough," he continued. 

"Rough rough!" Arashi and I replied, laughing.

If we were in an anime, Taka would have been sweatdropping by then and his eyes would have been making interesting shapes. As it was, he made do with giving us a 'what the?!' look and Arashi shook a finger at him. "Pirates of Penzance, stupid! Doncha have any cultural ed-u-kay-shun?"

Taka glared at him. "I don't speak English," he replied.

Keisuke shrugged. "Sorry, I forgot you weren't with us when we all went to see it last year."

"So _that's_ why you didn't come," Arashi realised. He shrugged. "Pity, it was funny!"

"Never knew _you_ were into theatre," Taka snorted.

Arashi poked out his tongue. "I ain't as stupid as I look," he said.

"You couldn't be," Taka retorted.

"Yeah, well at least I've got brains, all ya've got is brawn!" Arashi snorted. "Besides, you conked out too! Only superman," he gestured to me, "managed to keep going. How do ya do it, Namida?"

I made a modest sound. "I've been working out regularly for years. When I first started I was worse than you, I had to use the lightest weights and could barely keep going."

Arashi made a rude signal at him then started stripping off and the group broke up as we started doing the same.

I slid into a shower cubicle and, as usual, cursed the lack of doors. I stripped off and started running the water over myself, washing away my sweat. I wrapped a towel around me and ran back to my locker. I pulled out my stuff and dried myself off facing the wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see all the other guys walking around, naked and uncaring. I was jealous. I could never do that, never. What I was doing now was a step up from before, when I couldn't even take my top off, I was so scared. They were unashamed, and Arashi was the worst of the lot. He'd been known to hump people in the toilet cubicles when the gym was either completely full or nearly empty, both of which meaning he wouldn't be heard or interrupted.

Me? I just hunched my back and prayed they'd leave me alone.

No such luck. Arashi thought it was funny to bait me, but as well as that, I think he was also trying to help. He couldn't understand why I was like that, it was completely alien to him.

"Ya still hidin'?" he asked, walking over to me. I hunched my shoulders further and didn't answer. I yanked my pants on with some force and winced at the resulting wedgie. Luckily, Arashi didn't notice. "Wassup? We've all seen it all before. If ya're that strong'n fit'n all, ya'd be sexy as hell, have it made if ya went to Time Out." Time Out. One of Arashi's frequent haunts, a gay bar.

I reached for my top but he grabbed it first and offered it to me. I snatched it as he was threatening to shred it and held it to my chest for a few seconds, glaring at him.

He gave me a startled look. "Namida--" he started and reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't help it. I flinched back.

I don't know what he saw in my eyes but his own widened and he raised his hands defensively. "Sorry," he muttered, stepping back.

I pulled my top on as Keisuke said, "Leave him alone, Arashi," and said nothing until we were out of there.

"So whadda we do now?" Arashi asked, feigning boredom.

I shrugged. "I'm going on home to dump my stuff. You can come if you want." I was trying to break the tension I'd caused at the gym, and it worked.

"You woke us up, so, by rights, we have full permission to gatecrash your house," Taka announced, "but only for a little while though, I've got to get breakfast for Miaka."

"He lives above a store," Keisuke reminded him, "buy something there."

"I was supposed to get doughnuts from where you work but you're off duty," Taka grumbled, "and Miaka claims she can taste the difference."

Keisuke shook his head in amusement. "I wouldn't be surprised."

We entered my apartment to find Atsui there.

"ANIKI!"

Everyone found it funny as I tried to detangle myself from her arms. "Atsui, what in the hell are you doing here?" I asked. Then something else occured to me. "And where did you get the key yesterday anyway?"

"Koeta," Atsui said, smugly. Koeta hates to be called "Grandma", so we just call her by her name. I used to live with her before getting my own place, and she often comes to visit. None of the guys mind. For an old lady, she's pretty cool. She's a chiropractor and acupuncturist, which is always pretty handy.

"Should've guessed," I muttered, getting up again, "but you still didn't say why you're here." 

"To plan a party!" she said, patiently.

"Am I invited?" I asked, pulling my sweaty tracksuit out of my bag and shoving it in the washing machine.

"Of course you are, silly!" Atsui giggled. "It's for your birthday!"

I froze. I'd completely forgotten about it. The others seemed to have too.

"Your birthday?" asked Keisuke, interested. "How old are you turning?"

"Twenty," I muttered.

"Oh, you geriatric, you!" Atsui laughed.

"I'm not a geriatric, you're just a young'un," I smirked. "Eighteen? Feh, you barely are old enough to drink!"

She gave me a sunny smile. "You think that ever stopped me?"

I decided the washing machine was full enough, pulled out the laundry powder and dumped a good amount in. I slammed the door shut, pressed various buttons and it started humming.

"Been to the gym?" she observed.

"Yeah," Taka said, his hair still sweaty. Mine was just as bad, worse even, because it was longer.

"I'd better be going," Taka said, after a short pause.

"I'll come too, better see how my lil sis is doing," Keisuke agreed. They turned to the door. "Nice meeting you, Atsui," Keisuke added, as they left.

"You new in town?" Arashi asked. His eyes gleamed. Oh no. "Want some one to show you around?" Not good. He's cracking onto my sister. Whadda I do?

But Atsui can take care of herself. "My boyfriend is doing a good job already," she said, smoothly. She gave him a warm smile and Arashi went back to normal, thank Gods.

"So when is this bash?" he asked.

Atsui shrugged. "Two days time?" she tried. I nodded. "Okay, go spread the word, then," she ordered him.

"Yes, m'am," Arashi saluted her. He shot a look at me. "I get a hint. Ya want me out, right?"

I looked at Atsui and she nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Sibling stuff," I apologised to Arashi. He span on his heels and gave us a wave over his shoulder before exiting. I waved after him then looked at my fingernails. If I grew them any longer I could've _painted_ them. I sighed and wondered what it was that Atsui wanted. I sat back and listened.

_Taka let himself into his apartment bearing gifts of gold, or at least gifts with had cost nearly as much, he thought with some irritation. However, it was worth it to see Miaka's happy face as she tucked into her meal, and Yui seemed happy as well._

_"Did... you... have... fun?" Miaka asked, in between mouthfuls._

_He shrugged. "It was okay," he replied, "but Namida was weird - as usual - and Arashi was irritating - as usual."_

_"Arashi, he really is Tasuki, isn't he?" Miaka asked, looking up. "He doesn't look the same but he definately is his reincarnation. He acts just like him." Hope shone from her face. "It would be just like old times, wouldn't it?" She placed her hands on her pregnant belly and smiled at him._

_Taka pondered this. "It has to be him, it has to, but what about the others?" He sighed. "You know the feeling, like one of familiarity, but it could be anyone. They don't act like they did before, that's for sure, not completely. Keisuke says he senses something too, but the thing is, we've felt it with more people than there were Suzaku seishi. Some of them must be Seiryuu, but we don't know which._

_"But Arashi is Tasuki," Miaka repeated. "What about Namida?" she asked._

_"Suzaku only knows!" Taka exclaimed, and he made a gesture of frustration. "I swear, the guy is completely neurotic. There's times he's so normal, then others when he's paranoid. Whenever anyone touches him... I dunno, it's weird. His eyes go all funny, he looks almost scared. And he always seems to hide his body, is so shy at times I have to fight the urge to slap him. And he's always cleaning, making sure he's clean."_

_Miaka turned to Yui. "You're studying psychology, what does it mean?" There was concern in her eyes. "Is he okay?"_

_Yui, who had been quiet until then, gave her a thoughtful look and spoke up, slowly. "I don't think he is. It doesn't sound good. He sounds as if he's got some kind of mental problem... or as if he's suffered violence or even rape."_

_There was stunned silence at this. "Violence or rape?" Miaka repeated, sounding shocked._

_"It's only a guess," Yui added, hastily._

_"Suzaku," Taka murmured, "poor guy. I hope not."_

_"Rape..." Miaka whispered, her eyes filling with tears._

_Taka saw this and patted her back. "It's only a guess," he said, reassuringly, "there is also a chance he's just your average crazy. Cheer up, Miaka!" He rubbed her belly and she gave him a tearful smile._

**_Atsui's journal_**

_I am not a diarist. I never have been. It was always Hikaru's thing, never mine. But now I feel as if I can't keep quiet, that if I do I'll go crazy, and if I go crazy, who'll look after aniki? It's weird, how I feel compelled to, but I suppose you wouldn't understand. How could you, you're just an empty book, there's nothing to understand._

_I'm surprised Namida doesn't write in a diary, he'd have so much more to write than me. I think that the secret is poisoning him, it's so big that I'm surprised he hasn't already told. I know it's always my first urge to explain everything, it's on the tip of my tongue. But Hikaru and I have always been such opposites, and Namida, he is just the same. I don't hide a thing. If I want to be a bitch, I am and let the world deal with it. Screw them. I act as I want, hold nothing back. I only have one life and don't intend to waste it worrying. But Namida and Hikaru... they worry. They can't meet the other people's eyes, can't be true even to themselves. To me, the worst thing in the world is to be made to be ashamed of who you are, it's worse than having nothing to believe in at all. And they were made to feel that way._

_Perhaps it explains the way they are._

_Hikaru lies. "Of course not." "What do you think?" "As if!"_

_Namida hides. He just doesn't say a damn thing. He pretends it's not there. In a way, that's lying too, lying to himself._

_Now Hikaru doesn't have to worry about what other people think, she's far away from all those who ever hurt her. It's Namida I'm worried about._

_If it were me, I'd tell, I'd tell everything. But I can't, it's his secret. I just wish that he'd forgive Hikaru. And perhaps then he could forgive himself._

_****_

I pulled out my nail clippers and cut my nails, one by one...

***

**Skipsida's Ramblings:**

The end of another chapter. To all those who guessed Arashi was Tasuki (ie. everyone) give yourself a pat on the back! You were 100% right. But things are only just getting started.

Sorry for the long break between this chapter and the last, but at least I've finally planned out the story in some degree of detail. I figured that as this is a mystery, it would be a good idea, to say the least. Now I'll probably be able to update more frequently, which is a relief. This story has lurked in my skull too long, it needs to be written!


End file.
